May 21th
Trastevere
Today began with disappointment. I awoke completely congested and still tired after sleeping ten hours. It appeared that I had caught some sort of cold. I went looking for the moped rental that was supposed to be near-by but it apparently had gone out of business. As a backup plan I decided to explore Trastevere and just take it easy.
I started by taking the subway to Circus Maximus and then made my way toward the river. Along the way was Santa Maria in Cosmedin. As I found the church and rounded the corner, I was surprised by a line to get in. Churches never have lines to get in. The next thing I noticed was that nearly everyone in the line was Japanese. Then I noticed the big circular statue of a face next to the front door. There is a ‘legend’ (read tourist tale) that if you stick your hand in the mouth it will bite you unless you are an honest person. Apparently Audrey Hepburn did this in Roman Holiday and the Japanese adore Audrey Hepburn (yes, yes, everyone adores Audrey Hepburn but evidently it goes beyond that with the Japanese). The Japanese tourists were pretty damn adorable themselves, making ridiculous faces and just generally going a bit crazy over this statue so I figured I’d get a picture of them with the statue and it would be more interesting than a picture of me. But I was intercepted by some Germans, who singled me out as the surest source of communication, and we swapped photo-taking services. So here’s the picture of me with my hand in the Boca della Verita statue:
Proof that I’ve never lied. About anything. Ever
This is one of the oldest churches in Rome and it really looks the part. The inside was dark and surprisingly devoid of gold and fancy marble. The book says this church was for Greeks living in Rome, so I suppose, you know, the Romans really didn’t care much about it. The ceiling was crossed by thick wooden rafters even.
There are a couple of ancient Roman pagan temples next to the river right in this area and I could have swore I photographed them, but I guess I didn’t, so no pictures for you. They were really worn down and ugly though, so you’re not missing much.
I crossed the bridge into Trastevere and immediately became lost. It didn’t help that one of my maps left off any roads that it couldn’t quite squeeze in. Eventually I stumbled onto Santa Cecilia which was most notable for being something that I could identify in the guide book.
There was a cool looking mosaic over the alter but in retrospect the mosaic in the next church was very similar only even better, so to save space we’ll just skip it. No? Ok, fine, I’ll give it to you really small:
The big mosaic over the alter was pretty cool. Lots of blue stone and gold. There are 13 lambs.
There was also something else interesting. Off to one side in the dark I noticed this, ah thing. It is an optical illusion of distance that incorporates both statues and painting. The curtain, the angel and the monk are statues and, as I remember, the first interior arch had a few inches of actual depth and then the rest of it was painted (maybe the second arch had some depth too).
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The cross on the right was just a design I saw repeated around the church. I found it interesting for how different (and even chaotic) it is. I think they might have split the marble and then flipped it over to create some of the mirror imaging in the pattern.
I guess the statue they had here of a girl lying on her side is pretty famous, but it didn’t impress me enough to get a photo.
I found a restaurant and tried to get lunch but I was turned away (after the busboy made a very funny pantomime of urinating because he thought it more likely that I was seeking the restroom than say, god forbid, wanting to eat lunch before 12:30). Luckily I found a fruit market not far away. I’m impressed by the price, quality and availability of fruit in Rome, which is much better than what we have in urban California.
It still wasn’t 12:30 so I found Santa Maria in Trastevere.
This church is also really old and contains columns taken from an even older pre-Christian temple (and now you see why pre-Christian temples are so hard to find).
Santa Maria in Trastevere
What’s that at the end? Bam! It’s a better alter:
The same apostolic sheep as before, only this time Christ has got more friends, more detail and a lot more gold.
Santa Maria also had some nice stained glass, floor mosaics, and wall paintings. Actually a lot of churches have intricate designs on their floors (St. Mark’s in Venice was quite impressive, as I remember) but this just happens to be the one I photographed.
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A couple of Saints celebrating ‘touch your nipple with a feather day’ A very gaudy ceiling
Santa Maria in Trastevere is most famous for the gold mosaics it has on the balcony outside, but they’re quite hard to make out from the ground. The piazza was pretty nice though and I found it a good place to relax. As I sat there in the sun I realized I was feeling really good. Apparently whatever I thought I had in the morning had given up and gone away.
Santa Maria in Trastevere and Piazza St. Egidio
I had lunch in a Neapolitan place and had steak and potatoes. I was quite pleased. So were the Germans at the next table. Near the end of my meal, a fellow that arrived with his family reminded me that it has been my observation that the Italians take really good care of their retards. Everyone very patiently humored him while he shouted nonsense at the waiter. In fact, it’s not uncommon here to see some cool dude out walking his mentally disabled brother.
I had also been thinking about the Italians and their sun-baked look and came to the conclusion that what really sells an Italian man is a dark blue suit. In a well-tailored navy blue ensemble his leathery red skin and shrewd eyes are transformed from “tramp” to “descended-from-legionnaire-businessman-warrior”. It’s really too bad no such magical article of clothing exists for the women (“sea hag” to “sultry-socialite”?). Aside from the suits, Italian fashion has reached something of a low-point, particularly with the youth. The mode comprises primarily of tight jeans and small stretchy t-shirts emblazoned with rhinestoned captions such as “Paris” or “Dolce & Gabbana”. With the young men, the rhinestones are often replaced with a poster board assortment of bold fonts overlapping each other. A delightful new accessory I’ve witnessed on two occasions now is the time-telling-key-medallion. This thing is worn around the neck, made out of silver and looks something like a door key with a pocket watch in its pommel. I think the implied message is: I’m a tool. The second guy I saw wearing one of these looked like a 16-year old version of Moe from the Three Stooges. It’s still too early to tell if the key-clock-necklace catches on, but the current must-have accessory is certainly the grossly oversized sunglasses. Yes, the Italian youth look like complete fools wearing the results of a midnight thrift store raid, executed without the benefit of flashlights. Of course American youth are known to wear their pants around their knees so I’m not sure what that says about our respective cultures (probably just that pre-adult society is universally dominated by idiots).
After lunch I made my way up the hill and after climbing a number of stairs and cutbacks I arrived at San Pietro in Montorio which was closed until the afternoon. I kept on to the top where I found the Fontana dell Aqua Paola. It was like a smaller Trevi fountain with 3000 fewer people around it.
The view from the top of the Gianicolo hill. Those fools had a bottle of beer and a box of wine, they weren’t going anywhere
I then wandered around a wooded hillside seeking entry into the Farnese gardens. I eventually determined that the only way in way probably on the opposite end down at the bottom of the hill. It was just as well – I could see inside and there wasn’t much to it. I returned to the fountain, killed some time, got bored and wandered over to the Trastevere wall. There was a little sign there indicating that it was the site of an attack by the French monarchy against the newly formed Italian republic. Apparently the French wanted to put the pope back in power. The fighting lasted over a month before the French were able to breach the wall (a long time considering this was an era that had gunpowder). Ok, so there was nothing to do on top of this damn hill but I had hiked all the way up here and I was going to see the fucking church before I went back down. Maybe it had opened early… In fact, it had. Unfortunately it was small, and unimpressive. The place was set up for a wedding and a nice old Italian man was explaining all the paintings to a wealthy older American couple. The stupid wife kept interrupting him, trying to sound smart and failing spectacularly. I wish I had a recorder because you just can’t make this stuff up. I was beginning to hate Americans so I left and went back down the hill. I walked a long way. Somewhere along the way I took this picture:
I was trying to find a single image that most accurately typifies the city. The colors and sizes of the buildings are very indicative. Practically the whole city looks like this, a style I believe is probably pretty common across the whole country. I ended up pretty far south and off of most of my maps when I reached the pyramid subway stop. Apparently last time I was here on my way to the train station I missed the huge pyramid just across the street.
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This thing was very smooth for being built in 12 BC
The pyramid was just a tomb for a wealthy Praetor. It’s located right next to the Porta San Paolo, Piazza Ostiense, and a whole lot of traffic. I noticed a nice shady walk along the city wall here. As I walked, I could hear pleasant music wafting over the top of the wall. There were a lot of trees on the other side and I figured it must be quite nice over there. I made my way around the perimeter, but there was no way in. It appears that someone has walled off some kind of huge private pleasure garden in the middle of the city.
After imagining myself throwing hot oil down on barbarians for a little while, I reflected that it was kind of nice to be off of the book. It can sometimes be quite the scavenger hunt. My feelings were probably due to the fact that the book hadn’t really delivered much today. Maybe the book and I needed some time apart for a little while. Hey! Is that the most awesome car ever?
I managed to force my way onto the most crowded subway I’ve ever encountered. Apparently the locals didn’t know who they were dealing with; the doors opened and they all shoved past me to get in first. There was absolutely no room left so I stiffened my shoulder and made room. A small person on the other end of the car probably popped back out onto the platform, but what can you do?
Around the time I was back at the hotel enjoying a pistachio and hazelnut gelato (don’t even bother with the fruity flavors, they’re just not the same) I ‘realized’ it was my birthday. Actually I was a day and a half behind. I decided my birthday present should probably be some nail clippers – I was really beginning to grow some claws. I never did find my missing clippers. I suspect airport security nicked them out of my bag when they were alone with it, the kleptomaniacs probably just couldn't help themselves.