Space Commandos Bios

This is a list of characters featured in my game Space Commandos


Brief explanation:
Space Commandos are employed by a superior species known as the Stuckass, with the dangerous job of entering abandoned space laboratories to retrieve Boggy eggs, a Stuckass delicacy. The Boggies themselves are large, nasty, stealthy and very, very deadly. To make matters worse, the commandos are split into competing companies and often fight each other for caches of Boggy eggs.

Muchas Poochas:
Dreams of becoming a professional disco stud dashed by the unexpected death of disco, the suave pooch known as Muchas Poochas was awoken to the reality of his compounding debts. MP enlisted in the Space Commandos looking to pay off, or at the very least, avoid, his creditors. After watching "Red Space Labs III", an informational video viewed by all recruits, Muchas Poochas decided to opt for the special training the Stuckass offered. MP's exuberance and charm (and the sudden death of Captain Stinky Radtz) soon earned him the command of his own company. MP is a force to be reckoned with on the space lab, like a self-described disco inferno, he applies heat to boggys and opposing companies alike.

Danny Droppins:
Although resembling a freshly laid pile of turd in appearance, there is nothing "shitty" about this commando's performance in the space labs. Ferocious in hand to hand combat, Danny is one flying squirrel you would not like to run into in a dark alley. Danny's intense ferocity likely stems from his self-consciousness of his diminutive size. In much the same way as insecure men buy large trucks, Danny slices apart competitors to compensate for the meager length which nature has provided him.

Swedish Meatball:
Fed up with the stagnant socialism of his own country, the burly rabbit known as Swedish Meatball looked to the stars to turn a profit from his "steely musciles of manliness". Swedish Meatball arrogantly taunts his adversaries into hand to hand combat, where he can carve them up with his knife; truly a man made for the business of egg retrieval.

Mike the Mouse:
This mysterious mouse has got his thumb in more suspect enterprises than a mongrel has fleas. His intentions remain as shrouded as his past until he's done his damage and long since escaped. Never known to speak a word, even his beady eyes reveal nothing in their emotionless gaze. Mike the Mouse is suspected in an international porn ring, the fall of a number of third world governments and a particularly vile, far reaching, used sod scam.

Ishmail the Camel Flayer:
The evil Arab known as Ishmail is a dark presence on the space lab. Brooding and reticent, it is unsure whether Ishmail even speaks English. Ishmail stands an impressive six and a half feet, not including turban. It is strongly suspected that he is on a holy war, a close observation would reveal that he says a silent prayer of thanks after every kill he makes. Although he regards authority with a cold, unsettling stare, he is valued for his ability to promptly and accurately follow orders. That same stare also ensures that those under his command do not step out of line.

Loopworm:
College party animal and ultimate frat boy Loopworm was best known for his outrageous pranks and beer chugging ability. After a satisfying five years of education and a hard earned communications degree, Loop thought he was prepared for the real world. Shocked by the unmarketability of his beer quaffing abilities Loopworm turned to the Space Commando corps in desperation after quickly overstaying his welcome with all his friends that would take him in. Loopworm was pleased to find that he fit in rather well with the unscrupulous band of men that are the space commandos.

Blue Cat:
Interplanetary explorer and cheese puff connoisseur, Blue Cat has seen more from the seat of his star cruiser coup, than most Eargthlings see in a lifetime. Unfortunately in the process he developed quite a truck driver's ass. When he and ex-partner Black Cat were stranded on Eargth, Black Cat abandoned the slower Blue Cat and escaped the planet of primitives. Forced to live with the idiotic Eargthlings, only one thing kept Blue Cat going, his hatred for Black Cat. Joining the space commandos gave Blue Cat an opportunity to get off the god forsaken planet and further his quest of tracking down Black Cat.

Executioner:
The cat known as executioner has never been seen without his black hood. What horrors afflict his face are unknown to even his fellow space commandos. Unable to adapt to society, executioner joined the circus and following an episode with a bullwhip and a midget, the space commando corps. Executioner seems to hold a grudge against the world and vents his frustrations through the barrel of his proton gun.

Bodo Schmitzl
Forced from a successful career in the German military in the midst of a political scandal, Bodo needed to get away from his past. He signed up with the Space Commandos and underwent the special training offered by the Stuckass. His military prowess was soon evident and shortly after becoming a captain he was one of the most feared Space Commandos in the business. Known for his demand for strict discipline and his stern resolve, Bodo leads organized and precise attacks, with himself often leading the attack into the face of the enemy. Bodo is humorless and remorseless and although deeply respected he is distant to his men.

Cock Connaway:
Born and raised on a small corn farm with 12 brothers and 4 sisters, Cock lead a sheltered youth. It was soon evident to Cock's family that he was unsuitable to farm work. His crossed eyes made most manual work difficult and slow, and his severely inferior mental capacities made him a burden. Raised by fundamentalist bigots, Cock holds a savage outlook on life. When he finally left from home at age 21 Cock wandered to the city, where he surely would have perished or been imprisoned, had he not stumbled upon a Space Commandos recruitment station. Promised wealth and prestige beyond his wildest dreams, Cock signed up on the spot.

Jt Zu:
Jt Zu was trained as a youth by a martial arts master in the ancient traditions of rabbitzsu. But young Jt Zu secretly dreamed of a life of glamour. He would rather battle heinous aliens on distant space stations than uncover clandestine diabolic brotherhoods of ronins back home. His life-long dream was for the fist time within reach after he tracked down and killed the last of the dark ninjas who had murdered his master on that fateful autumn evening so many years ago. Jt Zu signed up with the Space Commandos the very next day, with visions of Boggy eggs dancing in his head.

Snail Tommy:
An underachieving geek who had not been expected to go very far by his peers, Snail Tommy enrolled with the Space Commandos in an attempt to prove himself. Snail Tommy surprised everyone, most of all himself, when he discovered his aptitude in killing things. He was soon rewarded for his brutality and zeal in combat with a highly cherished device of destruction; the proton shotgun. Snail Tommy uses his diminutive size and tough shell to his advantage in combat, stoutly refusing to die, regardless of what the enemy may throw at him.

Poop Frog:
Small time rapper and gang banger, Poop "Froggy" Frog was a typical product of the ghetto. He respected nothing but cold cash in his cold, uncaring fist. Growing tired of "makin' small time cash", and "bangin' small time hos", Poop Frog looked to out of the ghetto for his next conquest. He found what he was looking for in the Space Commandos; fast, easy money, and all he had to do was "cap a few mutha f**kas."

Clappage:
Coming from a family of blue blooded lineage that traced back to nearly every royal ever to live, Clappage appeared to have everything a gentleman could hope for. But unknown to his contemporaries Clappage had a vile, cold-blooded propensity toward violence. Realizing he would not be able to hide his tendencies long, Clappage fled to the Space Commandos corps where he could kill often enough to keep his needs satisfied, and not be suspected of anything more sinister than avarice.

Wacky Weasel:
A bit of an eccentric to say the least, Wacky was given a peculiar choice by a circuit judge after being picked up for beating "evil doers" with a baseball bat. The judge told him he could join the Space Commandos or spend the next five years of his life in prison. Wacky had a remarkably competent public defender and was advised to join the Space Commandos. Wacky is known as a loose cannon, but is respected as being a good fighter and has proved his use in more than one situation.

Pinky:
Nothing is as unstoppable as a charging bull, when you are standing your ground in a dark narrow hall of a space lab. Pinky's bulk helps him to shrug off damage that would kill lesser commandos, and adds a powerful punch to his hand to hand attacks. After a high school stint most noted for his prowess in football, Pinky's guidance counselor advised him to consider joining the Space Commandos. Pinky enjoys the profession and seems to be ignorant of the real dangers involved.